Here's to the new abnormal Up at 5:30 or 6 Another waking nightmare And not a soul to share this with But at least we're Americans Land of the free, blind leading the blind The story's always dissonance Every day is another landmine What would this look like if I stayed? Shut my mouth and then obeyed? You knew me then, I had my doubts So use your voice and drown me out I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did I go? I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did you go? I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did we go? There's nowhere to go I need to grow Time spent in isolation So much opportunity for change With all we've lost already, What else is there left to save? But at least we're Americans Afraid of a mask more than the disease Headed straight for disaster Stuck in a ten-year freeze Would it be better if you stayed? If I stopped being afraid? I'd like to look the other way But every day there's more decay I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did I go? I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did you go? I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did we go? There's nowhere to go I need to grow There's nowhere to go I need to grow There's nowhere to go I need to grow There's nowhere to go I need to grow There's nowhere to go I need to grow I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did I go? I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did you go? I disappear You disappear We disappear Where did we go? There's nowhere to go I need to grow

We were bonded until The world loosened its Vise-grip on us Every little thing We did or Didn't do caught up My heart pounding Two tons beating Panic or attack Think of you Or you with someone else Not coming back Oh, how you made me Play the fool over again I was a sucker Praying that we'd stay friends Yeah it's pathetic But these days that's how I do I'm working on it How I still want you You know just which Buttons to push Leaving me undone I lie sleepless Most nights up at 5, 4 or quarter to 1 I know we're through, but I still want you Think I always will Not long after or Down the road Can't take that bitter pill Oh, how you made me Play the fool over again I was a sucker Praying that we'd stay friends Yeah it's pathetic But these days that's how I do I'm working on it How I still want you You don't know how much you mean to me How can I go on and still feel free? I'll hold on as you hold onto someone else Hold on as I lose my sense of self I love you more now since you've left me I love you and this won't leave me be We were bonded until The world loosened its Vise-grip on us I lie sleepless Most nights up at 5, 4 or quarter to 1

We're living in a brand new world Touch is no longer an option When we had it, we neglected it And without it, we crave it Even when I get worse They say put your joy first How beautifully bizarre and true When all of my joy was you I'd give anything to have it again But I'm not giving my life for it I wish I felt your joy again But I'm not willing to die for it How can we not? We're a craving culture Doesn't matter what — sex, money, drugs What do you have to offer? Joy was my wrong of choice Would have given up my voice To bring a smile to my guy We were riding so high I'd give anything to have it again But I'm not giving my life for it I wish I felt your joy again But I'm not willing to die for it I'd give anything to have it again But I'm not giving my life for it I wish I felt your joy again But I'm not willing to die for it Wish I could give you my life for it Wish I could give you my life for it Wish I could give you my life for it Wish I could give you my life for it Wish I could give you my life for it Wish I could give you my life for it We're living in a brand new world Touch is no longer an option When we had it, we neglected it And without it, we crave it Even when I get worse They say put your joy first How beautifully bizarre and true When all of my joy was you

Here I am, in the classroom again You show up, the new pupil I'm taking notes up on the board You take up arms, get too comfortable You call me out, you challenge me And at first I find it cute I'm open raw, upset, no more glee I'm not your pawn, and your point is moot I'm learning to live without you One day I'll learn to love without you But all I want to do is learn from you All I want to do is be your fool All I want is to have you near me again If I did things right maybe I'd still have you I know I have my part to blame You poked and prodded, I pushed back Where I saw bounds, you just saw walls For you I fear I'd break them all I'm at the mirror, not myself Wearing those shorts of yours again New pair of glasses, someone else A beard to rival his back then I'm learning to live without you One day I'll learn to love without you But all I want to do is learn from you All I want to do is be your fool All I want is to have you near me again If I did things right maybe I'd still have you But you've ruled me out as another fool I would travel in your pocket If it meant another night I would call you again If it guaranteed another fight Would you even recognize me? Would you even pick up? A child in a man's body Or another reason I feel numb I want to feel how I did back then I want to be enough I want you to care more like when you did I want you to grow up I want you to give a fuck You couldn't be there for me Angry and pissed Guess I want someone Who doesn't exist I'm always unhappy My soul is bereft I know that it's over but why haven't I left? I'm learning to live without you One day I'll learn to love without you And on that day I'll know we're really through Thought I did my best with what I knew

Made a plan to go to San Diego Quick October trip, why not a vacation? You were busy making plans I was there to help make it happen I always wanted to see California Didn’t think that I could do this on my own You were sleeping on the flight The cracks were there but I refused to see them Through the pain know that all my love remains We spent the afternoon in Pacific Beach Enjoyed the view because the water was too cold We took pictures of each other How could I know you’d use mine for another? Through the pain know that all my love remains And I know that it wasn’t perfect I spent those nights blacking out on sours and gin And you would laugh then get bummed when I was too drunk The cracks were there but I smiled through them Through the pain know that all my love remains We said goodbye to San Diego And that was almost a year ago, so far from that I know it wasn’t perfect But I loved when the love was with us Through the pain know that all my love remains

It didn't mean a thing to me If it didn't mean a thing to you There you go and wash your hands Thinking it's another flu All I ever do is think Can't manage to speak or move I am just another toy Stand-in for another fool Rambling around again Seems like we are barely friends This isn't a way to live Needing what you couldn't give It hurts and I'm tired of crying For you my best was lying I put my dreams on hold Until you decided to fold Can we get away from growing older? Can you leave the TV on tonight? Every day we get a little closer But I will still be sleeping off the fight Everything is tentative Learn to really cherish it Can't say that I was surprised Chipping away bit by bit It aches and you're tired of trying I'm afraid this time we're dying I never said it before You didn't care for my core Can we get away from growing older? Can you leave the TV on tonight? Every day we get a little closer But I will still be sleeping off the fight We've done what we've done So say goodnight You'll be the last one to turn out the light We've done what we've done So say goodnight You'll be the last one to turn out the Light Light Light Light

Tonight I'll fall into another dream Sleep beneath the warm, blue sheets Dream of who's the one to reach out Is it you or me Spin the tale of what could be I just can't take it when you look my way Never knowing what to say Do I let the cat out? Do I keep the dark at bay? I just can't take it when you look my way You were a dream Greatest I've ever seen Do you live in your head like me? Though we all have our days Here you are, catching rays Here I am, stuck behind a screen Am I yours, friend or foe? Follower, play the role Be a number, consume, no soul So I'll stay in my head Thinking things never said God, it's insufferable I'm uncomfortably comfortable

Made a promise, never to give us up Should have known it was as empty as my cup We fought to lose and win Where you end and I begin Saying it'll never happen While my brain's working overtime It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen That's what you said It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen Ringing in my head My trust was lost, my pain exhumed I am now a walking wound Before you pulled the pin You walked out the day I went in Feeling it'll never happen As I'm stuck living in rewind It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen I'll never learn It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen I'll always yearn And as I lay down my resentment You looked at me as wish fulfillment I should have known, while it was kismet A past life karma, I've come to regret Dull roaring pain, for years absurd Why am I now clinging to every word? Thinking it'll never happen Though I miss you too much Knowing it'll never happen We become so out of touch Saying it'll never happen Over and over again It'll never happen Stuck living in rewind It'll never happen Brain's working overtime It'll never happen It's what you said It'll never happen Though I miss you too much It'll never happen We become so out of touch It'll never happen Ringing in my head It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen It'll never happen That's enough.

I want to know what love is Before "I am" becomes "I was" I want to feel the drive The need to try I want to be in twilight In peace with silence Without the barren hum I want to live before I die I want to go outside Be in all the sunshine and the world I want to feel compassion in my soul To know my dreams still matter Tune out the chatter That's buzzing constantly I want something to make me whole Can you hear me? Are you listening? I want something defining Know it's out there Don't want to be scared Going after that silver lining In my heartache And what I can't take There's truth and hope that's showing Through the pain and All that remains, I Feel deep inside I'm growing And when you get to heaven Can you tell me how it was? I want to know that things will soon be fine And when I look behind me And see the memories that feel so distant now Remember where I'm at, there is a sign To know that there's a meaning To everything that's happened since Under the suffering I've always known There's someone out there for me To share my glory, but until that day I ask for strength to be alone I'm suffocating Spending hours laying around Fell into fetal positions Can't take the isolation Do you hear me? Are you listening? I want this everlasting Something that's real That I can feel Unlike the spell you're casting In my heartache And what I can't take There's truth and hope that's showing Through the pain and All that remains, I Feel deep inside I'm growing Shades of warmth and growth and comfort Loving arms, embraces full I know this is my safety bubble Need the strength to finally let it go And there, the thing I've felt I wanted all these years Is not quite the thing it needed to be Perhaps this time I'll truly set me free I finally knew what love was What caring about another meant So much it meant I had to let them go But you should know inside Deep down inside, there's a part that still cares It always will, I thought that you should know I want to leave the fear behind And take that first step forward To make the choice to be in better health A history of putting others first Doesn't seem to serve me well I want to finally choose myself I want to find the love inside me and feed it forever and ever I want to heal the child in my soul However long it takes to treat the pain that aches and remains I'm gonna be the piece that makes me whole