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Human Error

by Louis T. Delia

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1.
Start 03:53
I’ll settle down to dust and cold There’s no such thing as “good as gold” Every crease is meant to fold At least that’s what I’ve been told In my mind, all is bright The car will stop, the dog won’t bite I am trying to keep this together I am trying not to come apart I am trying to get out of my head I used to think that I was smart But then I went and missed the mark Broken’s a good place to start Only way out is through the dark
2.
Wavering 04:23
I’m graying, defenseless Anything to stop this So restless, so anxious I’m quiet, can’t fake it Ungrateful, I’m stupid A child, I am useless I’m afraid, I’m down Falling for wherever’s the ground I need to stop pretending That this is never-ending Want my time to mean something Long after I am nothing Postpone it, this Christmas Sentiments donated I cannot escape this I’m restless and voided Why can’t I stop pretending That this is never-ending? Soon we’ll give up the sickness That we’re tired of facing It’s getting later everyday So I come to you The feelings don’t go away But you do And I can’t breathe When tongue meets teeth Erase this doubt Grow up, grow out It’s getting later everyday So I come to you The feelings don’t go away But you do I don’t have words to write them down So I came to you Something about a happy sound
3.
Sour Tastes 05:07
Famous last words at the dinner table Resurrect low feelings of past exchanges Leaning forward to tell what to do, what you don't Point the finger to say that you won't You won't ever be free from the world that creates you Creating's a drag, a nag that berates you Your wounds self-inflicted, your head under clouds You surrender when you should be screaming out loud Oh I'd give a bit just to put my arms all around you now Oh I'd give a bit just to live without you, I don't know how Oh I'd give a bit just to let this go 'til my final bow Oh I'd give a bit just to put my arms all around you now Any young thing would be lucky to have me I am good, I am fine, should be no hesitating We tiptoe around it, expect something more Shrug it off 'til we're dead on the floor It's not fair to be this, but this is what I am I'm a man, I'm alive, but I'm plagued by the fear Let it fill up my head so it's hard to be here Getting out is a joke, so I pour one more beer Oh I'd give a bit just to put my arms all around you now Oh I'd give a bit just to live without you, I don't know how Oh I'd give a bit just to let this go 'til my final bow Oh I'd give a bit just to put my arms all around you now Daddy brings me lemon pie I've known how I am gonna die One hundred times already Before my mind would not allow I've often thought about it, how The future feels unsteady My memory cannot erase The subtle stabs, the sour tastes The torment I can't break free So I'm careful with the road I'm on And on and on, and on and on I know I'll never break free Could I be as bad as he? Oh I'd give a bit just to put my arms all around you now Oh I'd give a bit just to live without you, I don't know how Oh I'd give a bit just to let this go 'til my final bow Oh I'd give a bit just to put my arms all around you now
4.
Withered 03:24
The morning sun reveals its face And I hide mine so it can take its place Live my life full of regret Cause I thought you were my best bet Getting sick and tired of being alone Of dragging around my withered bones Thought you would be there on the phone But I guess this face has to be my own So I’m giving up and giving out Like a watered lung I hold my doubt So much to lose, and I have not Everyday I’m learning to be forgot Pick me up, tire me out You’re the only one I think about Cause you left me buried in the ground Hoping desperately to be found Getting sick and tired of being alone Of dragging around my withered bones Thought you would be there on the phone But I guess this face has to be my own So I’m giving up and giving out Like a watered lung I hold my doubt So much to lose, and I have not Everyday I’m learning to be forgot And I am an organ this stubborn body will forsake So I will stare at the wall and question my fate And I don’t care if it’s late or without tact Everyday I am lessening the impact Giving up, giving out A watered lung I hold my doubt So much to lose, and I have not Everyday I’m learning to be forgot
5.
Float Ahead 01:22
Take your hats off when indoors Wear a raincoat when it pours Eat what’s good for you most often You are no one til you’re someone In my mind all is bright The car will stop, the dog won’t bite I am trying to get by Doing well is just a lie At an age without control So my body tells my soul With the lights on, I am sleepless With the lights on, I am torn Between where I used to be And the one who inhabits me I have died a million times I am someone I was meant to Float ahead
6.
Send me to bed Leave the shakes in my head I know, I know that you’re not losing Taking my hands From my side Swelling over with heart Face is flushed red Turning darker and still You won’t, won’t let up If this is the best I can do Then I guess this is love You are a dead ringer For every millionth face displaced in public transit In a room full of bated landsharks You are the only thing that kills me Feels like I’m playing it over when it’s never happened When I’m alone, you’re there with me, you break through the static And when you touch me it’s knowing that skin upon skin makes the heart die fondly Is this an act of desire or an act of love? I’ll be the one left to hold you close in the night Entwined in the bedsheets, all comfortable, everything alright, ‘cause You are a dead ringer For every millionth face displaced in public transit In a room full of bated landsharks You are the only thing You are an image, an idea, an anticipation A being to leave me with all complications I’m sleepless, I’m silent, paralysis breaks me Don’t dare close my eyes because that’s when you take me whole You take me whole You take me All of the things that I do, I do them for you Part of me feels like it is up to you And if I let myself think, I’m thinking of you All of this can’t add up to me and you
7.
Houdini 05:48
Shoulder, left, right Spin the wheel, left, right Get out, get out and you'll be fine And this means nothing to me I want to live and be free Don't want to be two steps back I've got a million things to do Running through, through, through it all And I don't know where I begin Where I am going's wearing thin All I want to do is take a 30 minute nap Who cares if 30 years pass me by? It's just another Saturday It's just another Saturday It's a new day Gotta get out and play Gotta work towards something that's outside your brain Going forward's okay But remember, "Shoulder, left, right" Get out, be fine, you've got time You could be anything if you really wanted to You hit yourself, you've hurt yourself You're blood and bruises through and through Even if you find a way To free yourself from all this pain You'd still be stuck with you We await your great escape We await your great escape We await your great escape We await your great escape We await your great escape We await your great escape (We're all ears, we're all ears, we're all ears, we're all) We await your great escape We await your great escape (We're all ears, we're all ears, we're all ears, we're all) We await your great escape We await your great escape (We're all ears, we're all ears, we're all ears, we're all)
8.
Unraveling 04:25
Here lying in the basement, unaware Not feeling it, day’s not there Tomorrow will be better if it doesn’t get wet I said, Tomorrow will be better if I don’t regret The little things from galaxies ago Should have hit him back when he threw me in the snow The past is not past, it doesn’t let go This house is always vacant, went to hell No universe, can’t you tell? Spent twenty-odd years between air and stale glass Oh shit Spent twenty-odd years and already passed The little things from galaxies ago Should have hit him back when he threw me in the snow The past is not past, it doesn’t let go The past is not past, it won’t let me grow Shaky sidewalks wind my memory lane Screaming silently alone in the back of my brain Who’s doing this? Who’s knocking down the door? Who’s leaving these years all splintered on the floor? A crooked darling Less pleasure than pain And it seems my dream’s unraveling Sometimes it feels like I’m losing my goddamn mind These breadcrumbs and fragments are yours to find Here lying in the basement This house is always vacant
9.
Skeletons 03:25
You’re not telling her, you can’t do it You’re too small, you’re not a real man Ring ‘round rosie, trip fall over Bruises broken, scabs unfocused You are nothing, it will take you Drag you down and desecrate you You are nothing, that is humble I’m so fucked up, why’d you fumble? There are skeletons in my closet In my closet, every night Bodies waiting, bones are breaking Meat that rots where there’s no light Wordless darkness, cold and heartless All about, it’s all about There are skeletons in my closet Dig me out, can’t dig me out I am forward to the future Waiting for something to last Broke my bruises, I am a wounded, Body-less shaping of the past I am nothing, I am vacant Numb and cold and hollowed out I am nothing, this is futile Dig me out, can’t dig me out There are skeletons in my closet In my closet, every night Bodies waiting, bones are breaking Meat that rots where there’s no light Wordless darkness, cold and heartless All about, it’s all about There are skeletons in my closet Dig me out, can’t dig me out Can’t dig me out Can’t dig me out
10.
If you don’t stop now this will grow The world outside will take you below The beds and couches, they insist How could there be anymore to this? And I can’t breathe When tongue meets teeth Erase this doubt Grow up, grow out Grow up, grow out Grow up, grow out Grow up, grow out Grow up, grow out
11.
I’m waiting to be somewhere else I’m waiting to be somewhere else While everyone’s content with themselves I’m waiting to be someone else It doesn’t matter if I’m well A quiet home becomes my hell It’s no surprise I’m on the shelf I’m waiting to become myself I’m waiting to be somewhere else And I don’t need any of your help Even if I’m in poor health I’ve got to take care of myself I was fortified in silence Four walls to birth this blindness From anything that’s pure and concrete My mind is forced to deplete And I keep emptying out to fill the pages To free these ideas from their cages I was welcome and I was worth it No I was welcome ‘cause I was worthless So I’ll be waiting here again Though I’m more scared than I’ve ever been If something good’s around the bend I’d still be waiting until my end And I know I’ve been so angry And I know I don’t have an answer And I know you could be better for me And I hate you, though I love you I can’t name you, I’m above you and I’m tired of you So I never say goodbye I’m still waiting for this to die I never gave you a reply Can’t even bring myself to try

about

This is a record dealing with issues of identity, anxiety, shadow selves, and growing up, overall. Written largely in 2015, demos were recorded (and re-recorded) as life happened to me. Now in isolation, I finally got around to recording and sharing these songs with you. Enjoy.

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released March 26, 2021

All instruments, vocals, lyrics, and production by Louis T. Delia

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